On my own.

I was riding in the car with my mother the other day. She decided to start in on me about money. She's always thrown it in my face how her and my stepfather have been paying for my college. It's almost as if she enjoys it, it's some sort of sport to her how many times she can make me feel like I'm in her debt. The other day was the final straw! My mother informed me that she could have a new boat and new furniture if it weren't for me and my education. That did it for me! She went too far. I told my friend Allison about what she said, and how I might be leaving the Art Institute.

I found out that I could apply for financial aid at my school and not have to pay until after I get out. It's just so scary... I've never been on my own before. My mother and I talked today. She thought I was unappreciative of all that she and my stepfather had done for me.

Please realize, I'm not! I appreciate what my stepfather has done for me more than anything. In many many many many ways, he has been a better father to me than my real father. The point is, that it's time for me to grow a pair and stop relying on others for everything. I need to do things on my own, it'll be good for me. I'm 100% sure that this is what I need to do right now. I'm not, however, 100% sure that I can do it on my own, but I'm going to do it or die trying!

I've always had things taken care of for me. Money was never a major issue until now. It's terrifying me to be on my own! What if I crash and burn? All I know is that I can't have my mother making me feel like I'm garbage for accepting money. I guess she likes the power she has over me. No more. i can't let this happen anymore.

Thats whats on my mind right now. I hope my mother an I can call a truce one day, I'm sure we will, but I won't be speaking to her for a while. I'm going to be okay... at least I hope so. I'm going to learn how to balance a checkbook, do laundry, manage a bank account, all that crazy stuff! I'm going to do it! For me, it's now or never! So, I'm going to be just fine. I just hope I have the strength to make it.